i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
