I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
