oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
