hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
