apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
