Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
