Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
