i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
