If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
honey bunches of taint.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
