i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
