I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
