I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
