420 ftw
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
