some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's always time for handjobs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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