guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
