chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
