My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So apparently I’m into choking now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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