sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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