Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
