My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
