I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
