it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
