the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
