I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
