Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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