It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
