I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
