Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
