You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
