is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
