i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
