DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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