i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
