i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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