I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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