hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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