ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
