im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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