You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
