Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
