and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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