Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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