I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you never un-have a 4some
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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