If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
