I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How does one acquire holy water?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
