Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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