i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
