i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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