dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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