Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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