I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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