Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
