I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
